An Exercise in Fine Simile and Metaphor

Remember that episode of "The Simpsons” in which Lyle Lanley (voiced by the late great Phil Hartman) convinces the town of Springfield to purchase a monorail with excess city funds? You know the one that Leonard Nimoy made a cameo in?

Yes of course you do.

In retrospect, that episode is eerily similar to Bill Bavasi era of Mariner baseball. After the city grew weary of Pat Gillicks’ disdain for major activity as a GM, it succumbed to the allure of a salacious shill. A rook, which brought promises of greatness. Of prosperity. Of Championships.

This and more could all be achieved… Through investing just a tad bit more cash than normally allotted. In the range of say, twenty million.

The logic made sense at the time. The Mariners had remained a fringe contender for the better part of the decade. Imagine adding one more potent bat to the 2003 lineup that won 97 games and still came in second in the division. Or for that matter, another solid pitcher to the 2002 team that won 93 games and finished third.

And so under Bavasi’s rule, Seattle took the gambit and became a large market team.

Then immediately began playing like a small market team.

Coaches were fired. Players vilified.

It did not take long for the mojo to die.

And in the end, Mariners faithful and the residents of Springfield were faced with the same dilemma. A train wreck to clean up.

My biggest fear entering this season was the fact that it was common knowledge that Bavasi was on his last rope with management. Desperate GM’s are always scary, as they mortgage everything on the hopes of a playoff appearance that will assure them job security. This is why we traded for Erik Beddard, why we were rumored to be getting Griffey for months and why we cut bait on Brad Wilkerson’s 3 million dollar contract.

But we have taken the first step to righting the ship. Bavasi is no more. Seattle bars are still replenishing their supplies of bourbon after the announcement was made.

Seattle also bid adieu to Jon McLaren. A necessary move, yes. However McLaren never really stood a chance. When his contract was extended entering this season, it reminded me of “Transformers: Heavy Metal,” when Optimus Prime bequeaths the Autobot matrix to Ultra Magnus. A soldier thrust into a leadership role. You would have thought that Seattle would be cognizant to the perils of promoting longtime assistants after the Bob Weiss debacle.

So the stage is set for a new era in Mariners baseball. Which direction will they go? What moves will they make? That is for time to decide.

In the meantime, while I wait it out, I am going to go watch the episode of “The Simpsons” where Bart saws the head off of the statue of Jebediah Springfield. You know the one where he hangs out with Jimbo, Kearney, and Dolph? The one where he redeemed himself by admitting his character flaws and threw himself upon the mercy of the mob?

Howard Lincoln, I suggest you go dig out the DVD player and look this one up. It’s a classic.