Friday, April 3, 2009

Ichiro: Seattle's Newest Superheroin

So the bad news just keeps rolling in, first Clement to AAA and then Morrow to the pen now it seems Ichiro will now start off the season on the 15-day disabled list due to a bleeding ulcer. I'm not sure what I have done to upset the sports gods, but I will drink heavily in their honor in attempts to make it up.

Not only will Ichiro miss the opening road trip but he'll miss the home opener too. Despite his normally sluggish hitting in April the team could have used him healthy to try to build a lead over the injury ravaged Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim(dumbest team name ever? dumbest team name ever) to start the season. Now M's fans must watch the spectacle of a one legged man(Griffey) attempt to play the outfield. That thought is giving me an ulcer.

Fear not though sports fans. Modern medicine has advanced the treatment of the condition that ended the lives of luminaries like J.R.R Tolkien and James Joyce, to a minor inconvenience. With a little rest the treatment should take care of the ulcer in no time and The M's will have a healthy Ichiro for the rest of the season. The hard part will being convincing Ichiro he needs that rest.

Even if Ichiro decides to push it to come back early and the problem lingers he can always self-medicate. I know Seattle's smack reserves aren't what they once were but he should still manage to score some horse. If he does that Ichiro'll be able to manage the pain of a festering wound inside his stomach.

Hey, it worked for Kurt Cobain!

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