Just Look on the Bright Side of Life

So, yeah, today's game was a hidden turd at the bottom of an otherwise enjoyable cereal. But let us not forget that prior to Diabeetus Boy coming in and failing like Jay Cutler's soaked insulin pump things were looking damn good for the Mariners. It is in this vein that I write this post.

Erik "Girl Parts" Bedard pitched a helluva game. Yes he only went 5+ innings and he gave up three runs that let the Twins back in the game. More than that, he struck out 8 and only issued two walks. Listening to ol' Dave Niehaus on the radio it sounded like The Interview's curve had more bend than Beckham's famous corner kick. If the ump hadn't been calling a ridiculously small strike zone Bedard would have struck out the last man in the 5th and that would have been the end of his night. It didn't and he ended up giving up 2 more runs before he left. M's fans should take solace in the break on his curve and the velocity and movement on his fastball. His stuff tonight was that of the man we gave up so very much for. One of the best pitchers in baseball.

Franklin Gutierrez has been a pleasant surprise as well. Brought in for his terrific defense his hitting prowess was an afterthought. Astute minds like Dave at UssMariner.com thought that Gutierrez had the potential to be the next Mike Cameron. Which means he would be a great defender with a solid bat. So far that looks to be correct, all he needed was a little playing time.

The bullpen was solid tonight. Corcoran pitched two scoreless innings striking out 2 and not allowing a hit. David Aardsma was the beneficiary of the improve outfield defense with some hard hit balls luckily being caught allowing him to go one inning with no damage. Work on that fast ball location there, bud.

There's 160 more games if I get too upset about each one I'll be dead from stress before the year is out. I gotta temper with my anger with what good happened as well, or else chemical abuse happens and that's no good.

The end of today's game sucked, to be sure. But let's remember the lyrics to that great Monty Python song "Life's a piece of shit/When you look at it. So just look on the bright side of life."

Mariners Season Hanging Over Precipice. Tiger Above, Certain Death Below

“A man traveling across a field encountered a tiger. He fled, the tiger after him. Coming
to a precipice, he caught hold of the root of a wild vine and swung himself down over the
edge. The tiger sniffed at him from above. Trembling, the man looked down to where,
far below, another tiger was waiting to eat him. Only the vine sustained him.

"Two mice, one white and one black, little by little started to gnaw away the vine. The
man saw a luscious strawberry near him. Grasping the vine with one hand, he plucked
the strawberry with the other.

"How sweet it tasted!”

Last nights 10-1 drubbing by the Texas Rangers, the other AL cellar dweller, put the M's season at a crossroads. At 14-22, The M's are now 7 1/2 games out of first place with just over the first month of the season out of the way. Many may not see this as a significant gap to close, citing the '95 miracle season as the reason not to panic quite yet. But the '95 season was a miracle for a reason, the kind of comeback/meltdown that led the M's to that play offs that year are about as rare as a cute girl being cool enough to laugh at Jar-Jar Binks jokes. In reality it's gonna take about a .608 winning percentage(a conservative estimation) for us to keep hope alive for a post season run. But both LA and Oakland show no signs of cooling down after hot starts. So, even then the M's are gonna need a little energon and a lot of luck.

According to my favorite site for all things Mariners, USSMariner.com, these are a critical next 5 games to finish out the homestand. If we go 5-0 or 4-1 to close out things are looking good as long as we keep winning. 3-2 or2-3 hope remains Schiavo-like, alive but kept that way via tons of life support. Closing out the homestand with just one more win or dropping the last 5 pretty much signals the end of contention for the 2008 season. I mean some crazed, moose lovin, dyed in the wool, Mariners fanboys may hold out hope that the Angels or the A's have a monumental collapse, like the NY Mets last season. But that's as likely to happen as Hilary comin through and winning the Democratic Nomination.

So that's where the quote at the top of the page comes from. In my mind it represents the Mariners season. The Mariners were walking through their season when they came across the tiger of contention. Being unable to win, due to poor team construction, The M's run away from contention til they reach this current point in the season, the precipice. Now their season hangs from a solitary vine, with a daunting task above. Killing the proverbial tiger and becoming architects of their own fates, would have the M's, somehow, pulling everything together and becoming contenders for the rest of the season. Certain death lurks below them, the fall and the other tiger below represent another lost year of not being contenders. To make matters worse the vine that the season tenuously grips is being nibbled away by two mice, the progress of time and the reality that this team isn't near as good as thought when assembled. Despite confluence of negative factors threatening this season there is a bright spot. The luscious red strawberry that grows out the cliff side from which we dangle. This represent things that fans will enjoy despite our possible abortion of a season. Felix Day, Ichiro!!!, Beltre's glove work, Sexy Mondays at Norm's in Fremont(where any bottled beer is the price of Richie Sexson's batting average), and beautiful Seattle summer nights at the best venue in baseball(SafeCo Field) all are highly enjoyable, almost pleasurable aspects of the Mariners even when we suck.

These next five days will decide if the M's climb up the precipice and tackle the tiger of contention, or whether they grasp to the vine, hoping things are gonna works out, only to fall to their doom. The mettle and grit that the front office likes to tell us about will be tested during this stretch. Will the M's have enough veteraniness to come together and continue wining in spite of their glaring deficiencies? We'll know in 5 days.

These next 5 days also represent what to expect from my work for the rest of the season. We win and keep competing it'll be a good summer, the fans will come pack SafeCo once the weather gets nice, and my paychecks will be proper again. This'll allow me to have the funds to fully enjoy my summer. We lose and the fans only come in for the BoSox and Yankees games, the occasional promotion, and to see Dave Neihaus go into the Pro Baseball Hall of Fame. If this happens I will have to pinch every penny I earn, any fun summer activities will have to be approved by my bank before I can engage in them. I'll be broke and summer will be one long mockery of me and my job. This can't happen. I'm not strong enough to endure this.

If this season goes the 2004 route I may go insane one day at work and finagle my way into Chuck Armstrong's suite.I'd act like a normal employee until I pull down my pants, drop a load on the floor and then go raped ape and throw my feces about in a mad rage while screaming "Ooh ooh-ooh! Why do you continue to fuck up my team?! Ooh aah-ahh!!" Perhaps after the shit storm Chuck'd make some moves to help this team. Like hire a competent GM, for starters.