Bad Coaching Decisions

A few weeks after the NBA's two biggest coach firings of '08 (Dallas' Avery Johnson, Phoenix's Mike D'Antoni), we've gotten enough time to compare their first post-employment moves. Even without knowing what was going on in Avery's camp, I figured D'Antoni had already lost this comparison contest by falling into the New York Knicks' payroll. Doesn't matter how many millions and millions and (holy crap, lots of) millions he's getting at the new gig. That's a toxic team with no stars, no bench, no draft prospects, and little salary cap wiggle room. If that's not bad enough, he passed up the Chicago Bulls, a solid, coach-desperate team who lucked into this year's #1 draft pick just days ago thanks to the NBA's lotto-draft system. There's a forehead-smacker for ya, Mike.

Figured, then, that Avery might waltz up to the Bulls' bench by default, since their current head coach search hasn't exactly yielded much better. And that might still happen. Assuming Avery isn't too busy dealing with his new obligations as a fucking car salesman. That's right--today, officially, Avery Johnson has announced that he's becoming the namesake of a Nissan dealership in Dallas.





The first video is hokey enough; the second one is excruciating. Even my father is better at faking compassion and happiness than Avery Johnson, and my father is a short-tempered asshole. Seriously, I'd love to try negotiating a car bargain with the guy whose only coaching "skill" is to shout himself crazy:



"ALTIMA, JASON! BUY A FUCKING ALTIMA!"

Good luck with all that, Aves. Personally, I'm waiting for the Spud Webb Segway dealership to open before I bust out my wallet.