After an Odyssean journey that led him from the back woods of Virginia, to the federal court house, to the county jail and house arrest Mike Vike (aka Ron Mexico) has found a new home, the City of Brotherly love, Philadelphia.
Apparently( and not surprisingly) Eagles' management doesn't have faith in former second round pick Kevin Kolb as the heir apparent Vick will start the season as the back-up to Donovan McNegro. Perhaps as the season progresses Vick will be incorporated into the Mad Dog formation with DeSean Jackson. It will be at that point the sporting world will finally find out how much of that once jaw-dropping, pants shitting, erection giving, atheleticism Mike still posseses.
Philly seems like a good fit for Vick both in terms of personel and scheme. More importantly though, the notoriously surly Philly Phans seem like the perfect fan base to boo root for the Felon. Philly doesn't strike me as the same type of city like Seattle, San Fransisco, or San Diego where extreme liberal leanings will cause protesters to congregate and mindlessly protest their teams signing of an animal abuser like zombies at the mall in "Dawn of the Dead".
I'm sure protesters will show up in Philly, as well. But I hope that some of the more rough Iggles fans threaten or just plain kick the shit out of the PETA style douchebags who will inevitably flock like vultures on a carcass, jockeying for best camera position to properly display their moral indignation. Much like the stupid hippy protesters at Grey's Harbor, I hope these self-righteous fucktards get the shit kicked out of them. The battle between Philly fans and protesters is now my reason for giving two shits about the Iggles.
With Vick's arrival in Philly routine camp battles lose their allure compared the incoming spectacle. All of a sudden the preseason got a lot more interesting.
As the Philadelphia Phillies were kicking the holy crap out of Tampa Bay last night the near inevitability of a Phillies World Series truly set upon me. My heart seized up, could the city of brotherly love really handle a championship? Or would the ensuing celebration turn into something that would put the L.A riots to shame? My guess is the former would happen. And if that's the case we, as sports fans, need to look deep inside our sporting souls answer this nagging question. Do the sports fans of the city of Philadelphia really deserve a championship?
It was the year 1983, I had just been born a few months earlier, Reagan had been in office for a little over two years, the Sunset Strip was filled with crappy hair bands, and the Philadelphia 76ers had just won a NBA title, the last title to be brought to the city. In the mean time Philly has had both the Iggles and The Sixers make it to a title game only to fall short to dynasties, The Pats and Lakers respectively. For such a drought many would agree that it is indeed time for Philly to get a title. I might even agree with this idea except for one thing, Philly fans.
For being named the city of brotherly love, Philly has some of the harshest fans in all of America. The old Vet(Veterans Stadium) had a jail underneath it so there was a space large enough to hold all the rowdy drunken phanatics. It even had it's own court and judge to process said drunks. I think this was and still is a unique feature among sports stadiums.
In 1999, when Michael Irvin went head first into the green carpet covered cement that passed for turf at the Vet he severely injured his neck and had to be carted off the field on a stretcher. Iggles fans, being the classy bunch they are, booed the hell out of Irvin as he left with what turned out to be a career ending injury.
Also in '99 Phillies fans rained down D batteries on J.D Drew, who, after being drafted by Philly, had held out for a trade to another team. This is a relatively tame example of Philly fans assholeishness.
1999 was a year that Philadelphia raised the bar for sports asshole all over the country. Matthew Scott, the first recipient of a total hand transplant threw out the first pitch for the Phillies but not to the satisfaction of the fans. When the ball he threw from his transplanted hand bounced up to the plate the fans let him have it with a chorus of boos.
When the Iggles drafted franchise quarterback Donovan McNabb, also in 1999, the pick was not met with cheers or even anything close. Wanting their team to take running back Ricky Williams the fans booed the hell out of McNabb as he went up to the stage. How'd that work out for ya Philly? McNabb do anything for you guys?
Earlier this year when whoring herself out for Pennsylvania's votes, republican VP nominee Sarah Palin decided to flaunt her "hockey mom" cred and attend a Flyers game. When warned before hand that Philly fans will boo any and everything she said something like "That's ok. I'll have my daughter, Piper, in a flyers jersey too they wouldn't dare boo her." Oh-ho-ho how little did she know. I guess in Alaska word hadn't gotten up there about Philly fans. Here's what happened. Actually this is the one booing I'll give Philadelphia fans, good job guys. If only she got booed at every event she went to like she was booed at the Flyers game.
Even Santa Claus can't catch a break when he stops by Philly. In 1968, Frank Olivo, was dressed in a red Santa outfit in an attempt to spread christmas cheer at the last Iggles game of the year. Iggles fans have tried to distort the myth by sayin Olivo was drunk and his suit in tatters. This was not the case. Olivo was greeted not only with the standard Philly chorus of boos but also a hail of snow balls. So snowblind(not from coke, mind you) was he that officials had to come to his rescue and escort him off the field.
With all that said can you imagine what might happen if/when the Phillies win the Series? The streets will be like Neverland Ranch was for little kids, not safe under any circumstances. And for that matter, do Philly fans, with all that booing and jeering even dieserve a title? I think the answer is clearly a resounding NO!
I hope somehow, magically the Rays come back forwm being down 3-1 and steal the World Series from Philadelphia. Then my recently delfated schaudenfreude hard-on will be back to full mast and I will be a very happy man.
