It's the opening Saturday of college football today which means many of the readers of this site are out drinking somewhere in celebration. They now have another reason to beer bong another half rack of Pabst. Brian Russell, the ball cancer of suck, was cut today by the Seahawks.
BRuss has been much maligned not only here and Seahawks super-blog Field Gulls but his suck is so glaring that NFL humor site Kissing Suzy Kolber has a "Brian Fucking Russell" tag. That's right he's so bad and KSK mocked him so much he warranted his own tag. Fucking terrible!!
I'm not going to go into detail about the level of BRuss' suck or write a long mocking ode to a terribly incompetent player. The summation of the dark age of Brian Russel at free safety can be found here and here as written by intrepid 'Hawks blogger John Morgan. He details the depressing depths of suck that BRuss created far better than I ever could. Also, check out the gifs in the comments section here to relive the white terror that was Brian Russell. Then after you get done with that pound a couple drinks down in celebration over the fact that, as a Seahawk fan, you will no longer have to worry about Russel making nobodies like Domenik Hixon into stars.
Cheers!!
Showing posts with label NFL. Show all posts
Showing posts with label NFL. Show all posts
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
Neck Beard Out, 6th Round Rookie In
That 2010 first round pick the Seahawks acquired from Denver in return for Seattle's 2009 2nd and 3rd rounders is looking better and better. First, the Broncos got rid of Cutler. Then, they had a less than stellar draft. More recently, WR Brandon Marshall was suspended one game for conduct detrimental to the team after fucking around in practice and batting passes down and generally acting like an ass. Now, the Bronco's will be without their starting QB, Kyle Orton, for the final preseason game and possibly the first game of the season.
After slapping the hand of Bear's player Adewale Ogunleye Kyle Orton received what is known as an open dislocation. Apparently this is when the dislocated bone cuts through the flesh and pops out through the skin, fun. The Bronco's are trying to be coy about this whole thing and are reporting that Orton will only miss the last preseason game this Sunday and that he should be ready to go by the season opener.
Now, I'm no doctor and have no medical experience outside of occasionally smoking medical marijuana. That said, I have to believe that when a finger is dislocated to the point that the bone is sticking out the person with the dislocation won't be able to throw the pigskin around for awhile. Let alone throw the pig-skin with 300+lb men chasing after you. Plus with dislocations and especially dislocations involving lacerations there is always a chance at ligament damage which means rehab would be necesary and that would push the time table for Orton's return back even farther.
Should Orton not be able to go and back-up Chris Simms out for another 2-4 weeks with a high ankle sprain the Bronco's playcalling duties fall to 6th round rookie from Fresno State Tom Brandstater. In other words, the game would be a sure loss.
This is great news for Seahawk fans. A top 5 pick is looking more and more like a real possibility with the way things have shaken out in Denver this season. I still find it amazing that one man could destroy a team so throughoughly in his first few months on the job. But damn if Josh McDaniel's hasn't done exactly that. Oh well, I'm on a schadenfreude high right now and will be cheesed out of my mind until the placement of the pick from Denver is official.
After slapping the hand of Bear's player Adewale Ogunleye Kyle Orton received what is known as an open dislocation. Apparently this is when the dislocated bone cuts through the flesh and pops out through the skin, fun. The Bronco's are trying to be coy about this whole thing and are reporting that Orton will only miss the last preseason game this Sunday and that he should be ready to go by the season opener.
Now, I'm no doctor and have no medical experience outside of occasionally smoking medical marijuana. That said, I have to believe that when a finger is dislocated to the point that the bone is sticking out the person with the dislocation won't be able to throw the pigskin around for awhile. Let alone throw the pig-skin with 300+lb men chasing after you. Plus with dislocations and especially dislocations involving lacerations there is always a chance at ligament damage which means rehab would be necesary and that would push the time table for Orton's return back even farther.
Should Orton not be able to go and back-up Chris Simms out for another 2-4 weeks with a high ankle sprain the Bronco's playcalling duties fall to 6th round rookie from Fresno State Tom Brandstater. In other words, the game would be a sure loss.
This is great news for Seahawk fans. A top 5 pick is looking more and more like a real possibility with the way things have shaken out in Denver this season. I still find it amazing that one man could destroy a team so throughoughly in his first few months on the job. But damn if Josh McDaniel's hasn't done exactly that. Oh well, I'm on a schadenfreude high right now and will be cheesed out of my mind until the placement of the pick from Denver is official.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Dog Day Afternoon in Philly
After an Odyssean journey that led him from the back woods of Virginia, to the federal court house, to the county jail and house arrest Mike Vike (aka Ron Mexico) has found a new home, the City of Brotherly love, Philadelphia.
Apparently( and not surprisingly) Eagles' management doesn't have faith in former second round pick Kevin Kolb as the heir apparent Vick will start the season as the back-up to Donovan McNegro. Perhaps as the season progresses Vick will be incorporated into the Mad Dog formation with DeSean Jackson. It will be at that point the sporting world will finally find out how much of that once jaw-dropping, pants shitting, erection giving, atheleticism Mike still posseses.
Philly seems like a good fit for Vick both in terms of personel and scheme. More importantly though, the notoriously surly Philly Phans seem like the perfect fan base toboo root for the Felon. Philly doesn't strike me as the same type of city like Seattle, San Fransisco, or San Diego where extreme liberal leanings will cause protesters to congregate and mindlessly protest their teams signing of an animal abuser like zombies at the mall in "Dawn of the Dead".
I'm sure protesters will show up in Philly, as well. But I hope that some of the more rough Iggles fans threaten or just plain kick the shit out of the PETA style douchebags who will inevitably flock like vultures on a carcass, jockeying for best camera position to properly display their moral indignation. Much like the stupid hippy protesters at Grey's Harbor, I hope these self-righteous fucktards get the shit kicked out of them. The battle between Philly fans and protesters is now my reason for giving two shits about the Iggles.
With Vick's arrival in Philly routine camp battles lose their allure compared the incoming spectacle. All of a sudden the preseason got a lot more interesting.
Apparently( and not surprisingly) Eagles' management doesn't have faith in former second round pick Kevin Kolb as the heir apparent Vick will start the season as the back-up to Donovan McNegro. Perhaps as the season progresses Vick will be incorporated into the Mad Dog formation with DeSean Jackson. It will be at that point the sporting world will finally find out how much of that once jaw-dropping, pants shitting, erection giving, atheleticism Mike still posseses.
Philly seems like a good fit for Vick both in terms of personel and scheme. More importantly though, the notoriously surly Philly Phans seem like the perfect fan base to
I'm sure protesters will show up in Philly, as well. But I hope that some of the more rough Iggles fans threaten or just plain kick the shit out of the PETA style douchebags who will inevitably flock like vultures on a carcass, jockeying for best camera position to properly display their moral indignation. Much like the stupid hippy protesters at Grey's Harbor, I hope these self-righteous fucktards get the shit kicked out of them. The battle between Philly fans and protesters is now my reason for giving two shits about the Iggles.
With Vick's arrival in Philly routine camp battles lose their allure compared the incoming spectacle. All of a sudden the preseason got a lot more interesting.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
NLS Discussion Post: How Much Do An Athlete's Off-Field Activities Color Your View Of Them
The recent passing of Michael Jackson opened an intense debate among the populace. Namely, how much do Michael's alleged chi-mo ways effect the way we, the public, view his legacy. Do the multiple allegations of banging boys change the fact that he may have been the greatest entertainer of our time?
There were many people with whom I talked in the days following his death who said something along the lines of "Fuck him! I hope he burns in Hell for being a pederast!" They didn't think about him as the King of Pop or his huge influence on pop culture. To them he would be remembered as someone who he diddled kiddies. Nothing else he did during the rest of his life mattered in the least.
Other people I talked to felt like the allegations should have nothing to do with how they view Michael The Entertainer. They felt that all his accomplishments and the body of work over the course of his career stood on its own. That his later legal troubles should be a footnote in the legacy of Michael.
Me, personally, am somewhere in the middle. I don't think it can be overstated his influence on pop culture. Modern R&B artists like Usher, Ne-yo, Chris Brown, et al. owe their entire careers to the work Michael put in all those years ago. Groups from New Edition, a J-5 clone, to N'Sync were built in a mold that the Jackson 5 created years ago. Pop music had never seen such a prolific single artist prior to MJ and more than likely won't see one after.
My childhood memories are filled with memorable Michael Moments. I remember how excited I was when Michael guess starred on my favorite TV, The Simpsons. I remember the video premiere of his epic video "Black or White" on Fox. I still get chills when I see clips from the Super Bowl XXVII halftime show. The way he popped out from under the stage and paused a moment to revel in his awesomeness set a bar for half time shows that I doubt will ever be topped(unless you count the Janet/Justin wardrobe malfuction. But that was awesome in a completely different way).
While I will always hold a special place in my heart for MJ, but there was a certain amount of luster removed from his status by the allegations that he fondled a few children. I don't buy the idea that these charges came from people just looking to cash in. Even in such a litigious nation such as this charges of child molestation aren't filed lightly.
Even with the knowledge that he may very well have gone all Catholic Priest on a few kids in his time, I view Michael's career as a net positive. This is interesting for me because I often hold players' off-field/off-court actions against them. Kobe Bryant might be one of the better players ever but he's an asshole and a alleged rapist. Jim Brown may be an all-time great running back and social justice crusader but he also beat the shit out of his wife and girlfriend. Muhammad Ali, might have been the best boxer to lace up a pair of gloves but from what I read in Ghost of Manilla by Mark Shram he was quite the slandering asshole. I have a hard time separating my hate of Karl Malone and his dirty play from my hate of his being repeated dead beat dad.
Despite my feelings that players actions off the field and their deeds on it should both be considered when discussing how great they are, not everyone agrees. I have a friend who cares not about a player's off field transgressions. He feels that whatever accomplishments a player has should be the only means of judging them. That Michael Jordan's habitual gambling was so crippling that he would cheat a grandma to win has no bearing on Jordan the ball player. The Fade Away speaks for itself.
So what say you, faithful reader, intrepid fellow bloggers? Should be judge a player only on the merits of his game? That is what we tune in or pay to see after all. Or do you feel a player should be responsible for his downtime actions? Do you feel being accused of something like rape should forever be a black mark on the resume of a player? Let me know in the comments section. Or my fellow bloggers on this site, write a response post.
There were many people with whom I talked in the days following his death who said something along the lines of "Fuck him! I hope he burns in Hell for being a pederast!" They didn't think about him as the King of Pop or his huge influence on pop culture. To them he would be remembered as someone who he diddled kiddies. Nothing else he did during the rest of his life mattered in the least.
Other people I talked to felt like the allegations should have nothing to do with how they view Michael The Entertainer. They felt that all his accomplishments and the body of work over the course of his career stood on its own. That his later legal troubles should be a footnote in the legacy of Michael.
Me, personally, am somewhere in the middle. I don't think it can be overstated his influence on pop culture. Modern R&B artists like Usher, Ne-yo, Chris Brown, et al. owe their entire careers to the work Michael put in all those years ago. Groups from New Edition, a J-5 clone, to N'Sync were built in a mold that the Jackson 5 created years ago. Pop music had never seen such a prolific single artist prior to MJ and more than likely won't see one after.
My childhood memories are filled with memorable Michael Moments. I remember how excited I was when Michael guess starred on my favorite TV, The Simpsons. I remember the video premiere of his epic video "Black or White" on Fox. I still get chills when I see clips from the Super Bowl XXVII halftime show. The way he popped out from under the stage and paused a moment to revel in his awesomeness set a bar for half time shows that I doubt will ever be topped(unless you count the Janet/Justin wardrobe malfuction. But that was awesome in a completely different way).
While I will always hold a special place in my heart for MJ, but there was a certain amount of luster removed from his status by the allegations that he fondled a few children. I don't buy the idea that these charges came from people just looking to cash in. Even in such a litigious nation such as this charges of child molestation aren't filed lightly.
Even with the knowledge that he may very well have gone all Catholic Priest on a few kids in his time, I view Michael's career as a net positive. This is interesting for me because I often hold players' off-field/off-court actions against them. Kobe Bryant might be one of the better players ever but he's an asshole and a alleged rapist. Jim Brown may be an all-time great running back and social justice crusader but he also beat the shit out of his wife and girlfriend. Muhammad Ali, might have been the best boxer to lace up a pair of gloves but from what I read in Ghost of Manilla by Mark Shram he was quite the slandering asshole. I have a hard time separating my hate of Karl Malone and his dirty play from my hate of his being repeated dead beat dad.
Despite my feelings that players actions off the field and their deeds on it should both be considered when discussing how great they are, not everyone agrees. I have a friend who cares not about a player's off field transgressions. He feels that whatever accomplishments a player has should be the only means of judging them. That Michael Jordan's habitual gambling was so crippling that he would cheat a grandma to win has no bearing on Jordan the ball player. The Fade Away speaks for itself.
So what say you, faithful reader, intrepid fellow bloggers? Should be judge a player only on the merits of his game? That is what we tune in or pay to see after all. Or do you feel a player should be responsible for his downtime actions? Do you feel being accused of something like rape should forever be a black mark on the resume of a player? Let me know in the comments section. Or my fellow bloggers on this site, write a response post.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Why Losing Leroy Hill is Not as Bad as People Think
The Seahawks have taken the franchise tag off of Leroy Hill making him a free-agent. Since this announcement many fans have been losing their proverbial shit. They seem to be under the impression that losing Leroy Hill would be akin to when Hutch decided to leave Seattle. This is simply not the case.
First, it's not even certain that Leroy is gone. There is a real possibility that he could test the free agent waters and come back to a reasonable deal with Seattle. His value is about as low as it could be right now. All teams that needed a linebacker have filled that need through free agency or the draft so the market for Hill is limited. Of the teams that do want him I'm not sure how many are going to a) be contenders and b)offer him the kind of money he wants. But supposing a deal doesn't happen I don't believe fans need to be too concerned and here's why:
-Hill can competently replaced by a linebacker platoon. DD Lewis can play most downs and be subbed out in obvious run situations or more pass rush is needed. David Hawthorne showed flashes in limited action and could be the thumper half of the platoon. Will Herring might not be a bad choice either.
-Given that the Seahawks are moving to a more Tampa 2 style of defense Hill's abilities might not fit what The Seahawks are trying to do defensively scheme-wise. I love the way Hill gets after the ball carrier and blitzes but that maybe required less next year and the price Hill would want wouldn't be justified for what we are asking him to do.
-Aaron Curry has the tools to be even better than Hill. This is projecting a little bit but I think many experts would agree that Curry has better tools with which to work to become a helluva linebacker. Curry posses better coverage skills, better ability to track the ball down downfield not just in the backfield, Curry should be almost as adept as Hill and attacking the blocker and getting to the ball carrier, and with Curry's athleticism it would not surprise me if he doesn't turn into a pretty damn good pass rusher.
-It's not financially viable to have that much money tied up in one position. That was part of the reason we got rid of Julian Peterson his hit against the cap hindered the ability to sign free agents. A perfect example of this type of situation is the Chicago Bears. Lance Briggs whined like a little girl missing her teddy and got a huge new deal. But Brian Urlacher, feeling like he'd been putting in work longer and harder than Briggs, wanted a new deal as well. Chicago doesn't have the money to pay both what they feel they are worth. It's a shitty situation and best to avoid it if at all possible.
-Great Linebackers are helped to be that way by their d-line. Look at Ray Lewis. In Stabby's Superbowl days he had a pair of monstrous lard-asses keeping him clean from blockers in Sam Adams and Tony Siragusa. He suffered a decline in production until Haloti Ngata was drafted and now he has enjoyed a resurgence. Urlacher became elite and helped that team to the Superbowl only after Tommy Harris was added. In 2007 The Packers Linebackers were great at hitting the ball carriers like they were Rihanna, when their line was playing great. In 2008 when the line fell apart the Linebackers looked less threatening than Uppum from "Saving Private Ryan". Antonio Pierce and Kawika were nobodies until Justin Tuck, Michael Strahan, Osi Umenyiora, and Fred Robbins dominated the opponents line.
-A good defense does not need great LB's. Take Philly for example. That team has ran out whiteys like Mark Simoneau, Chris Gocong and Stewart Bradley on a regular basis and still managed to be a damn good defense. This is because brings enough pressure to crush the Beyonder and he doesn't need his LB's to be great.
-If another team was to go and sign Hill The Seahawks will receive a 3rd round compensatory pick. Wikipedia on compensatory picks:
In addition to the 32 picks in each round, there are a total of 32 picks awarded at the ends of Rounds 3 through 7. These picks, known as "compensatory picks," are awarded to teams that have lost more qualifying free agents than they gained the previous year in free agency. ...the placement of the picks is determined by a proprietary formula based on the player's salary, playing time, and postseason honors with his new team, with salary being the primary factor. So, for example, a team that lost a linebacker who signed for $2.5 million per year in free agency might get a sixth-round compensatory pick, while a team that lost a wide receiver who signed for $5 million per year might receive a fourth-round pick.
-Lastly the Seahawks save a ton of very precious cap room if they don't sign Hill. Having cap room effectively allow the Seahawks more freedom during free-agency as well as being able to resign their own player. Given that it is highly likely we have a top 10 pick next year-SUCK IT BRONCOS! DIE DIE DIE!!!-that extra cap space could help sign the QB of the future for this franchise.
Losing Leroy Hill this season may not be optimal and it also very well might upset some fans. I don't share this concern. I think that for the reasons I listed above this club could lose Hill and still be just as good as if he was on the roster. So worry not Seahawks faithful for the fear you feel, this too shall pass.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Don't You Ever For Ever For A Second Get To Thinking You're Irreplaceable: Julian Peterson Traded to Detroit
So long muscly arms. We will miss you!Let this be a lesson to other Seahawks who are asked to take a pay cut some time in the future. If you refuse to rework your contract you'll end up with a fate worse than Hell, being traded to Detroit. After all that's what just happened to Julian Peterson.
After the 'Hawks signed Hoshemazode(Championship!) and Colin Cole(ugh!) they found themselves a little up against the salary cap. They asked JP to restructure his contract and he was unwilling. Tim Ruskell then decided the the best course of action was to trade Julian to the Lions for Corey Redding and a 5th round pick.
I'm not quite sure how I feel about this deal yet. I loved JP as a Seahawk. He was one of the most versatile players on our defense. A player that could cover pretty well and could rush the passer like Rosie O'Donnel rushed the buffet line. In his three short years in Seattle Peterson racked up 25 sacks, 9 forced fumbles and 2 ints. Those are some pretty damn impressive numbers.
I'm of the mind set that a great line backing corps, like Seattle had, is a great thing. Thing is, even the best linebackers in the league require their D-line to allow them to eat up blockers make plays. To put it in language that our readers can understand let me equate it to porno. The D-line is like the drugs male porn stars take to go longer. The viewer is amazed at the how long furious the ball-slapping pace has been kept but don't realize that with the mean coke-dick the male lead is sporting 3 hours of solid pounding is nothing to him. It's exactly the same as when viewers are wowed by a linebackers incredible play but pay no attention to the d-lineman taking on double teams like Monica Sweetheart.
Another factor that justifies this move it the fact that Peterson just hit 31. Now, that's not exceptionally old but it is on the down slope of most NFL careers. While Peterson may be a physical freak it is safe to question how many productive seasons he has ahead of him. Leroy Hill, his sensible replacement, while lacking the pure pass rush instincts off Peterson, is still damn good and only 26.
In the trade the Seahawks acquired Corey Redding, a dominant interior defensive lineman. In 2006 Redding, notched up 8 sacks, a healthy number for an interior lineman. He had another solid year in 2007 before sitting out 2008 with injuries. Paired with man-beast Mebane, Redding should help form a formidable wall in the middle of the d-line.
Tim Ruskell's alter ego.Finally, this move may start massive speculation about the possibility or even need for the 'Hawks to draft LB Aaron Curry out of Wake Forest with our #4 overall pick. I don't think this will be the case.I think there are areas that'd be impacted a lot more with #4 overall talent than linebacker. Another thing to keep in mid is that this years draft is very deep at linebacker and lb is one of the areas Tim Ruskell has shown a Randy West-eqsue eye for up and
In all I think this was a solid trade, as much as it hurts me to lose such a unique talent in Julian Peterson. The 'Hawks gain cap space and get a solid package return on the out going talent. It will be interesting to see what shape the Seahawks defense rounds into next season.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Don't Sleep on the Gingers
The hullabaloo over the NBA Finals has reached fever pitch. Baseball has finally turned the corner into the realm of competitiveness. In the short, shallow distance, the poignant, musty aroma of football tantalizes the cognisant nostril.
And all the while, the red headed step child of the four major sports is attempting to crown a champion. Two American teams battling it out, for a chance to defile Lord Stanley's cup in the off season. However, no one seems to care.
And its a damned shame.
Despite being all, but locked in an attic and fed fish heads for sustenance by the networks, playoff hockey is back. The return could not have been scripted better if penned by Charlie Kaufman himself.
The dashing young prince, Sidney Crosby, LeBron James of the ice, matching mettle with the Yankee-esque Red Wings.
Two major sports towns in Detroit and Pittsburgh, battling for the rights to upturn cars and set fires in celebration.
But no one cares. They may as well be playing for the Champions League title.
Yesterday I watched as the Penguins tied the game with twenty seconds to play in regulation. Utilizing the pulled goalie tactic that never seems to work, they passed the puck effectively as the seconds waned, looking to set up a perfect shot.
This was followed by two and a half overtimes of intense breakneck action. Sudden death. Detroit on home ice. Both goal keepers logging over one hundred minutes of ice time.
Shots were fired. Bodies strewn. Blood spilled.
With every break in the action the Detroit crowd rose to their feet, like a modern day Roman aristocracy, applauding the efforts of both side. Wishing for an eventual outcome, but relishing in the exacerbating tension.
All this and not a single point was scored until the third overtime.
And for the die hard loyal hockey fan, this matters naught. Much like so many soccer crazed nation, effort is valued over result. inspiration is drawn, not from seeing a player dominate, but from seeing his composure as a game drags on and frustration mounts.
But to the casual American sports fan, this concept is fleeting.
Why applaud Torry Holt for his ability to run crisp, pristine routes, as a decoy, when Chad Johnson is one deep ball away from a zany end zone celebration?
Should Tom Glavine receive a curtain call for his perfectly executed draw bunts over Jim Thome crushing a home run out of the DH spot every other week?
Is Rip Hamilton held to a higher esteem for his movement away from the ball, as opposed to Dwight Howard's constant lurking underneath the basket?
Of course not. Should they be? Not at all.
But perhaps if the casual American fan watched the game with this perspective, this would be the case. Then maybe perhaps, hockey would be accepted back into the main stream. Highly unlikely, but possible none the less.
And then maybe then Soccer will even have a chance in the States.
Nah...
And all the while, the red headed step child of the four major sports is attempting to crown a champion. Two American teams battling it out, for a chance to defile Lord Stanley's cup in the off season. However, no one seems to care.
And its a damned shame.
Despite being all, but locked in an attic and fed fish heads for sustenance by the networks, playoff hockey is back. The return could not have been scripted better if penned by Charlie Kaufman himself.
The dashing young prince, Sidney Crosby, LeBron James of the ice, matching mettle with the Yankee-esque Red Wings.
Two major sports towns in Detroit and Pittsburgh, battling for the rights to upturn cars and set fires in celebration.
But no one cares. They may as well be playing for the Champions League title.
Yesterday I watched as the Penguins tied the game with twenty seconds to play in regulation. Utilizing the pulled goalie tactic that never seems to work, they passed the puck effectively as the seconds waned, looking to set up a perfect shot.
This was followed by two and a half overtimes of intense breakneck action. Sudden death. Detroit on home ice. Both goal keepers logging over one hundred minutes of ice time.
Shots were fired. Bodies strewn. Blood spilled.
With every break in the action the Detroit crowd rose to their feet, like a modern day Roman aristocracy, applauding the efforts of both side. Wishing for an eventual outcome, but relishing in the exacerbating tension.
All this and not a single point was scored until the third overtime.
And for the die hard loyal hockey fan, this matters naught. Much like so many soccer crazed nation, effort is valued over result. inspiration is drawn, not from seeing a player dominate, but from seeing his composure as a game drags on and frustration mounts.
But to the casual American sports fan, this concept is fleeting.
Why applaud Torry Holt for his ability to run crisp, pristine routes, as a decoy, when Chad Johnson is one deep ball away from a zany end zone celebration?
Should Tom Glavine receive a curtain call for his perfectly executed draw bunts over Jim Thome crushing a home run out of the DH spot every other week?
Is Rip Hamilton held to a higher esteem for his movement away from the ball, as opposed to Dwight Howard's constant lurking underneath the basket?
Of course not. Should they be? Not at all.
But perhaps if the casual American fan watched the game with this perspective, this would be the case. Then maybe perhaps, hockey would be accepted back into the main stream. Highly unlikely, but possible none the less.
And then maybe then Soccer will even have a chance in the States.
Nah...
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Of Mice and Manning
All hail the brothers McManning!
Blessed with Momma Manning's rocket arm and Archie's good ol' boy charisma the brothers were destined for greatness. No one expected them to be owners of back to back Super Bowl rings however. Truthfully, believing that they have already surpassed the Detmer bros legacy at this point in their respective careers is commendable in of itself. The duo are poised to only add to their legacies with the upcoming years. In fact, the thought of a sibling sparring in a future title game is not an unheard of cogitation.
On one end their is Peyton. Maestro of the gridiron. His throws find receivers with laser precision. His ability to read a defense is second to none.
To watch Peyton perform his chicken dance series of audibles is a feat unlike any other in sport.
He controls every movement of his offense. His teammates follow their assignments like drones, following his instruction to a tee. And every February he takes a handful of them to Hawaii.
Peyton Manning may be the greatest quarterback who has ever played the game. He may not have Tom Brady's dimples, or Joe Montana's demeanor, but no other quarterback has taken on all responsibilities of an offensive coordinator before. Let alone in an era in which helmets have headsets and teams routinely videotape performances.
As long as number eighteen is under center, the Colts have a puncher's chance at a Super Bowl run. Anyone would be a fool to deny this, even despite a looming rebuild on the horizon.
On the converse is Eli. Gritty competitor. Budding superstar. Drooling mongoloid.
People will forget that he should have thrown the game away earlier and that Asante Samuel dropped an easy pick. No one will forget his fabled lob to David Tyree, all but stomping on the veritable throat of a once unstoppable juggernaut.
For the vast majority of his career, Eli was seen as the walking excrement of leftover Manning genetics. His games were erratic. His confidence waned with every season. For many he seemed the second coming of Dan McGwire: a small college quarterback, highly touted due to his impressive lineage.
And then something happened towards the end of last season. Things started to click. For once he exhibited signs of being superior to both Phillip Rivers and Ben Roethlisberger.
Many point to the loss of Jeremy Shockey to injury as the catalyst. I agree whole heartily. In fact, I will even go out on a limb ans say that the Giants were fools for not dealing Shockey when they had the chance.
For you see, Eli Manning is a brain dead wunderkid. And this is not a knock on his appearance, which alludes to presence of both fetal alcohol and down syndrome. The boy is retard strong and capable of great things, under the caveat that he is not forced to generate much thought.
The proof is in the results. Shockey is a ball hog, notorious for ripping his quarterback for not finding him when he is open. Plaxico Burress commands quite the hefty ego as well. Both players were on the mend when Eli came into his own. Thus, names like David Tyree, Steve Smith, and Amani Toomer racked up the fantasy yards throughout the playoffs.
With ailing superstars, the Giants went to a spread offense. With more receivers, the quarterback's responsibilities rely less on execution and more on rapport. Find open receiver. Throw ball.
So easy, even Eli can do it!
Without having egos to please and complex patterns to memorize, Eli was able to focus on just chucking the ball. Remember the autistic kid who nailed all the three pointers in that high school game? Same concept.
This being said, if the Giants manage to enforce this game plan in the upcoming years, expect big things out of the lesser Manning.
I know I already have him pegged on my fantasy draft board.
All hail the brothers McManning!
Thus far, their journey has been the anti-Stenibeck
Saturday, May 3, 2008
The Soft Goodbye
As the world was caught up in the world wind atmosphere of the NFL draft, one team subtly closed the door on the career of arguably the greatest football player of the modern era. While many a draftnik were aware of it, amidst the maelstrom of draft boards, trades, and opines from talking heads it faded off quietly into the spring eve. As it should. As it no doubt was intended.
The Green Bay Packers selected hot shot Brian Brohm in the second round of the 2008 draft. a move that will no doubt spur new found incumbent Aaron Rodgers to new heights. In this sense, it was a wise and bold move. However in the seventh round, over one hundred selections later, the Packers added Matt Flynn, former leader of the LSU squad that won the national championship this year.
Two quarterbacks with potential for success. A declaration so fierce that it rivals the birth of the nation in its magnitude. That statement? Brett Favre will not be affiliated with our active roster ever again.
And it is only fitting. After all, the man did announce his retirement despite having a pro bowl year. Hell, he even took his squad within one series of the Superbowl.
He knew that he had been given a free pass to play for the Packers as long as he saw fit and he simply felt that it was time to move on. For all intents and purposes it was a noble move. It will only add to his epic pedigree.
But then he started to get the itch again. Like all athletes, he found it hard to adjust to life without his sport. He missed to routines. He missed the locker room. The glory. The failings.
Despite claiming to only be interested in spending time with his family and hunting, he simply could not flat out let it go. Perhaps it was that last lame duck interception he threw that doomed his team. Maybe he just needed to know that he physically could not go on any longer.
Whatever Favre's rationale, his comments regarding a possible return to the NFL under the caveat that his protege Rodgers is injured spoke of nothing more than a man who wanted back into the show. After all, with the amount of injuries at the quarterback position, it is all but assured that the Packers would be calling him at some point in the season.
Favre is a legend. Their will never be another like him. He won the public's hearts with his gun slinging bravado. He captured souls with his grit and nerve.
He also...
Handcuffed a franchise for several years through his struggling play, knowing full well that he would never be cut in favor of anyone else.
Played hurt to preserve a streak of consecutive games played, despite at times serving as a detriment to the team.
Complained publicly about front office transgressions, all but asking for a trade.
Threw a former teammate and "good friend" under the bus when he revealed that he was gay.
Abused pain medication.
Threw away games with his callous disdain for risk management.
Sandbagged multiple proteges from having as productive of careers as himself by refusing to step down as the starter.
However when it is all said and done these factors will matter not. Favre will go down in the annals as being the toughest, ballsiest SOB to ever play quarterback and deservedly so. Eventually the league will adjust to life without number four under center. John Madden develop another man crush. Life will go on.
The legend is gone.
And he ain't never coming back.
The Green Bay Packers selected hot shot Brian Brohm in the second round of the 2008 draft. a move that will no doubt spur new found incumbent Aaron Rodgers to new heights. In this sense, it was a wise and bold move. However in the seventh round, over one hundred selections later, the Packers added Matt Flynn, former leader of the LSU squad that won the national championship this year.
Two quarterbacks with potential for success. A declaration so fierce that it rivals the birth of the nation in its magnitude. That statement? Brett Favre will not be affiliated with our active roster ever again.
And it is only fitting. After all, the man did announce his retirement despite having a pro bowl year. Hell, he even took his squad within one series of the Superbowl.
He knew that he had been given a free pass to play for the Packers as long as he saw fit and he simply felt that it was time to move on. For all intents and purposes it was a noble move. It will only add to his epic pedigree.
But then he started to get the itch again. Like all athletes, he found it hard to adjust to life without his sport. He missed to routines. He missed the locker room. The glory. The failings.
Despite claiming to only be interested in spending time with his family and hunting, he simply could not flat out let it go. Perhaps it was that last lame duck interception he threw that doomed his team. Maybe he just needed to know that he physically could not go on any longer.
Whatever Favre's rationale, his comments regarding a possible return to the NFL under the caveat that his protege Rodgers is injured spoke of nothing more than a man who wanted back into the show. After all, with the amount of injuries at the quarterback position, it is all but assured that the Packers would be calling him at some point in the season.
Favre is a legend. Their will never be another like him. He won the public's hearts with his gun slinging bravado. He captured souls with his grit and nerve.
He also...
Handcuffed a franchise for several years through his struggling play, knowing full well that he would never be cut in favor of anyone else.
Played hurt to preserve a streak of consecutive games played, despite at times serving as a detriment to the team.
Complained publicly about front office transgressions, all but asking for a trade.
Threw a former teammate and "good friend" under the bus when he revealed that he was gay.
Abused pain medication.
Threw away games with his callous disdain for risk management.
Sandbagged multiple proteges from having as productive of careers as himself by refusing to step down as the starter.
However when it is all said and done these factors will matter not. Favre will go down in the annals as being the toughest, ballsiest SOB to ever play quarterback and deservedly so. Eventually the league will adjust to life without number four under center. John Madden develop another man crush. Life will go on.
The legend is gone.
And he ain't never coming back.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
GM 101
The life of a sports fan is one rife with criticism. We all believe that we are capable of running a spread offense in college. We watch Sportscenter highlights and complain about isolation defensive formations called out by coaches.
We think we know everything that is sport. In no other sense does this bode true than when it comes to front office transactions. If we can log into the ESPN trade ticker and deal Brandon Roy, Jarrett Jack, and a first round pick for LeBron James, then we find it inexcusable for Portland's GM to not pull the trigger on such a deal.
Find that hard to comprehend? How about Randy Moss to the Patriots for a fourth round draft pick.
Above all others I am guilty of said fallacy. I am the guy who will purchase John Madden football, only to simulate through an entire season just to play out the off season draft. In NBA 2K6, I prided myself on making the Sonics a perennial contender in just two seasons. Hell, I remember in MVP Baseball 2005, I finagled a way to get Ichiro onto the Red Sox for Trot Nixon and two fictional prospects.
Of course I understand that the transactions I make would never happen in real life. I also know that external factors such as player egos, fan base, and stifling owners can alter the decisions made by General Managers in all sports.
Still I will forever be critical of General Managers, as is in my nature as a sports fan. As such, for the sake of argument, here are some philosophies that I would abide by if I were a GM in each of the respective three major sports, (because I refuse to acknowledge the NHL until Gary Betteman is no more).
The Tao of Baseball
1. Unless a can't miss prospect is available, all picks should be dedicated solely to pitching
This sounds ridiculous, but makes sense when one looks at what teams look for when making trades. Nearly every major trade involves at least one pitching prospect.
Pitchers are the ultimate wild card in baseball, as the risk reward ratio is immeasurable. For every Felix Rodriguez, their are at least five Ryan Anderson's. This being said, by loading up on pitching talent, one is afforded the liberty of picking up solidified position players through trades.
Furthermore, established pitchers can be dealt away before they wear down or command ridiculous salaries. This is the philosophy that Oakland have followed for years and yet they always remain relatively competitive, despite a minimum payroll.
2. Base running and defense are paramount in winning championships.
The Red Sox do not win the 2004 World Series without Dave Roberts. The 2001 Florida Marlins beat out the Yankees not through power, but through a roster of some of the better defenders ever assembled.
Small ball is a dying facet in baseball, due to fan's infatuations with the home run. While power is important, a reliance on it rarely amounts to championships. Think of it like the three pointer in basketball: Teams live by it and die by it. If this years Detroit Tigers are not homering every inning, they are not winning games. Thus their poor start before noted speedster and defensive boon Curtis Granderson came back.
The Mariners set the record in the late 90's for most home runs in a season. And yet the team that won 116 games was built around smart base running and defense. With the ability to call the hit and run at any time, former role players such as Brett Boone and Mike Cameron became power houses, due to facing a multitude of rattled pitchers.
Speed aides defense through increased range. Increased range improves a team's pitching, as the risks presented by balls put into play are reduced. If a pitcher feels that they can rely on their field to produce outs, they can focus less on strikeouts and more on pitch location.
Their is a reason that washouts like Freddy Garcia, John Halama, and Joel Pinero were effective for that miracle stretch.
The enlightened view of Football
1. If looking for immediate returns draft defense.
The NFL defense is typically less complex than offense. Quite simply, a players instincts and athletic ability can bail them out of compromising positions much easier on this end. A missed coverage assignment might cost a team a game. A missed blocking assignment could cost a team the franchise quarterback.
Offensive players are the sexy picks, but experience the best success when groomed to gel within a respective scheme. Tom Brady. Priest Holmes. Steve McNair. Shaun Alexander. All former MVP's who were brought along slowly within a system.
Quarterback Matt Ryan was drafted by the Falcons for obvious political reasons in the recent draft. I promise you that if replacing the face of the franchise was not the mission and becoming competitive this year was, then Glenn Dorsey is selected in his place.
2. Every quarterback should sit out there rookie year. No matter what.
This philosophy is hard to abide by, as oftentimes a respective fan base will not tolerate it. However in order to allow a quarterback a chance for true success, then they must know the full array of a teams playbook.
Trent Edwards was an effective starter in his rookie year last year. However his role was also reduced to essentially running a mistake free offense. This was very similar to the system that Rex Grossman ran when he led the Bears to the Superbowl, or the one his backup Kyle Orton used to win ten game in a row the year before.
Mistake free play may give a team a chance to win with defense and a run game, but diminishes confidence in the signal caller. David Carr. Akili Smith. Tim Couch. Three quarterbacks expected to leap into the starters role, only to flame out shortly thereafter as a result of excessive pressure. Pressure brought upon by trying to win a modern war with an axe and shield.
The Basketball path to order
1. Swing men make great trade bait.
Basketball in the modern era is ripe with swing players who truly do not hold any singular position. Starting prominently with Magic Johnson, the philosophy is that the best player should have the ball in hand as often as possible. While their are a handful of players in the league who thrive in this system (LeBron James, Dywane Wade, Tracy McGrady) for the most part all that this does is eliminate the team dynamic on the court.
The best teams in basketball thrive on synergy. However the best players coming out of college are oftentimes the ones who took initiative to stand out from the pack. The easiest manner of doing so? Becoming a swing man.
Being the most athletic players on the court in addition to being the most alpha, swing men make for tantalizing trade bait. Of any other position, they are the most likely to go off for a triple double in a spot start and are always the most marketable. Stockpiling this commodity in the draft assures that a team has young talent that can be dealt for established position players who better fit a coach's schema.
2. Never take a risk on bigs.
Basketball and pro wrestling are the only two forms of sport in which an enigma will be offered a seven figure contract solely on the basis that they stand over seven feet tall. Rarely do these investments pay dividends.
While height obviously aides a basketball player, the ebb and flow of the game is not designed for someone of massive proportions. Anybody over seven foot two is destined to face lingering injury problems, as the body simply cannot keep up with the rigors of constantly running and jumping.
Furthermore, the physical nature of the inside game can age a man overnight. Being pounded at the boards and posted under the basket for eighty two games out of a year is nothing more than the modern day gauntlet.
A big is necessary for success in the league, but rarely worth gambling on. Instead all efforts should be made to ascertain established ones either through free agency and or trades. Imagine the Celtics this year with Spencer Hawes in the middle instead of KG... Could have been a distinct possibility if they had wanted to take thier chances on a big in the draft, rather than going for broke.
We think we know everything that is sport. In no other sense does this bode true than when it comes to front office transactions. If we can log into the ESPN trade ticker and deal Brandon Roy, Jarrett Jack, and a first round pick for LeBron James, then we find it inexcusable for Portland's GM to not pull the trigger on such a deal.
Find that hard to comprehend? How about Randy Moss to the Patriots for a fourth round draft pick.
Above all others I am guilty of said fallacy. I am the guy who will purchase John Madden football, only to simulate through an entire season just to play out the off season draft. In NBA 2K6, I prided myself on making the Sonics a perennial contender in just two seasons. Hell, I remember in MVP Baseball 2005, I finagled a way to get Ichiro onto the Red Sox for Trot Nixon and two fictional prospects.
Of course I understand that the transactions I make would never happen in real life. I also know that external factors such as player egos, fan base, and stifling owners can alter the decisions made by General Managers in all sports.
Still I will forever be critical of General Managers, as is in my nature as a sports fan. As such, for the sake of argument, here are some philosophies that I would abide by if I were a GM in each of the respective three major sports, (because I refuse to acknowledge the NHL until Gary Betteman is no more).
The Tao of Baseball
1. Unless a can't miss prospect is available, all picks should be dedicated solely to pitching
This sounds ridiculous, but makes sense when one looks at what teams look for when making trades. Nearly every major trade involves at least one pitching prospect.
Pitchers are the ultimate wild card in baseball, as the risk reward ratio is immeasurable. For every Felix Rodriguez, their are at least five Ryan Anderson's. This being said, by loading up on pitching talent, one is afforded the liberty of picking up solidified position players through trades.
Furthermore, established pitchers can be dealt away before they wear down or command ridiculous salaries. This is the philosophy that Oakland have followed for years and yet they always remain relatively competitive, despite a minimum payroll.
2. Base running and defense are paramount in winning championships.
The Red Sox do not win the 2004 World Series without Dave Roberts. The 2001 Florida Marlins beat out the Yankees not through power, but through a roster of some of the better defenders ever assembled.
Small ball is a dying facet in baseball, due to fan's infatuations with the home run. While power is important, a reliance on it rarely amounts to championships. Think of it like the three pointer in basketball: Teams live by it and die by it. If this years Detroit Tigers are not homering every inning, they are not winning games. Thus their poor start before noted speedster and defensive boon Curtis Granderson came back.
The Mariners set the record in the late 90's for most home runs in a season. And yet the team that won 116 games was built around smart base running and defense. With the ability to call the hit and run at any time, former role players such as Brett Boone and Mike Cameron became power houses, due to facing a multitude of rattled pitchers.
Speed aides defense through increased range. Increased range improves a team's pitching, as the risks presented by balls put into play are reduced. If a pitcher feels that they can rely on their field to produce outs, they can focus less on strikeouts and more on pitch location.
Their is a reason that washouts like Freddy Garcia, John Halama, and Joel Pinero were effective for that miracle stretch.
The enlightened view of Football
1. If looking for immediate returns draft defense.
The NFL defense is typically less complex than offense. Quite simply, a players instincts and athletic ability can bail them out of compromising positions much easier on this end. A missed coverage assignment might cost a team a game. A missed blocking assignment could cost a team the franchise quarterback.
Offensive players are the sexy picks, but experience the best success when groomed to gel within a respective scheme. Tom Brady. Priest Holmes. Steve McNair. Shaun Alexander. All former MVP's who were brought along slowly within a system.
Quarterback Matt Ryan was drafted by the Falcons for obvious political reasons in the recent draft. I promise you that if replacing the face of the franchise was not the mission and becoming competitive this year was, then Glenn Dorsey is selected in his place.
2. Every quarterback should sit out there rookie year. No matter what.
This philosophy is hard to abide by, as oftentimes a respective fan base will not tolerate it. However in order to allow a quarterback a chance for true success, then they must know the full array of a teams playbook.
Trent Edwards was an effective starter in his rookie year last year. However his role was also reduced to essentially running a mistake free offense. This was very similar to the system that Rex Grossman ran when he led the Bears to the Superbowl, or the one his backup Kyle Orton used to win ten game in a row the year before.
Mistake free play may give a team a chance to win with defense and a run game, but diminishes confidence in the signal caller. David Carr. Akili Smith. Tim Couch. Three quarterbacks expected to leap into the starters role, only to flame out shortly thereafter as a result of excessive pressure. Pressure brought upon by trying to win a modern war with an axe and shield.
The Basketball path to order
1. Swing men make great trade bait.
Basketball in the modern era is ripe with swing players who truly do not hold any singular position. Starting prominently with Magic Johnson, the philosophy is that the best player should have the ball in hand as often as possible. While their are a handful of players in the league who thrive in this system (LeBron James, Dywane Wade, Tracy McGrady) for the most part all that this does is eliminate the team dynamic on the court.
The best teams in basketball thrive on synergy. However the best players coming out of college are oftentimes the ones who took initiative to stand out from the pack. The easiest manner of doing so? Becoming a swing man.
Being the most athletic players on the court in addition to being the most alpha, swing men make for tantalizing trade bait. Of any other position, they are the most likely to go off for a triple double in a spot start and are always the most marketable. Stockpiling this commodity in the draft assures that a team has young talent that can be dealt for established position players who better fit a coach's schema.
2. Never take a risk on bigs.
Basketball and pro wrestling are the only two forms of sport in which an enigma will be offered a seven figure contract solely on the basis that they stand over seven feet tall. Rarely do these investments pay dividends.
While height obviously aides a basketball player, the ebb and flow of the game is not designed for someone of massive proportions. Anybody over seven foot two is destined to face lingering injury problems, as the body simply cannot keep up with the rigors of constantly running and jumping.
Furthermore, the physical nature of the inside game can age a man overnight. Being pounded at the boards and posted under the basket for eighty two games out of a year is nothing more than the modern day gauntlet.
A big is necessary for success in the league, but rarely worth gambling on. Instead all efforts should be made to ascertain established ones either through free agency and or trades. Imagine the Celtics this year with Spencer Hawes in the middle instead of KG... Could have been a distinct possibility if they had wanted to take thier chances on a big in the draft, rather than going for broke.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Random Sports List!!!
Don't you just hate it when you log onto your favorite sports site, only to find some random nonsensical list regarding players looks? Do I care who the "Top Ten Dreamiest NFL Players Currently Serving Suspensions for Violating the League's Substance Abuse Policy?" About as much as I care for "Top Twenty Hardwood Heartthrobs Who Ballooned to Over Three Hundred Pounds Before Retiring."
And yet I still read these articles. I read them simply on the basis that they are sports related. I hate it and yet I succumb to it, much like when I accidentally rented transvestite porn over a holiday weekend.
Regardless, in the spirit of mocking the modern sports media, I present to you my own extremely biased list. Without further ado...
Top Ten Sports Columnists File Photos
1. Bill Simmons
The classic mock laughter pose made famous by the crew at "NFL Today." His fox like grin borders somewhere on lines of, "Take the damned picture already, this tie is killing me," and "I just crapped in Skip Bayless' cereal." Enjoy your Cocoa Puffs Commie douche bag.
2. Jason Whitlock
Its a wonder that they could fit him into a profile photo without breaking out the wide angle lens. He looks winded, but satisfied, meaning he has either just dealt out some of his patented candid insights, or he had to jock for position with Charles Barkley after the Krispy Kreme fresh light went on. Very reminiscent to the look Belladonna had after her scene in "Weapons of Ass Destruction."
3. Charley Rosen
His photo only complements his attempts to come across as the grumpiest old cuss in sports. I can just picture him smoking cigarettes in his garage, listening to a Pistons - Spurs game on an old transistor radio, and hollering about all of the missed defensive rotations.
4. Dayn Perry
The obituary photo... I rescind that. Even making that one sniping comment hurt my soul a little. Making fun of Peter Gammons is like mocking someone's grandfather. Just not cool. On a serious note, I was distraught for days when he had his aneurysm. I hope this BoSox loving bastard lives forever.
And yet I still read these articles. I read them simply on the basis that they are sports related. I hate it and yet I succumb to it, much like when I accidentally rented transvestite porn over a holiday weekend.
Regardless, in the spirit of mocking the modern sports media, I present to you my own extremely biased list. Without further ado...
Top Ten Sports Columnists File Photos
1. Bill Simmons
The classic mock laughter pose made famous by the crew at "NFL Today." His fox like grin borders somewhere on lines of, "Take the damned picture already, this tie is killing me," and "I just crapped in Skip Bayless' cereal." Enjoy your Cocoa Puffs Commie douche bag.
2. Jason Whitlock
Its a wonder that they could fit him into a profile photo without breaking out the wide angle lens. He looks winded, but satisfied, meaning he has either just dealt out some of his patented candid insights, or he had to jock for position with Charles Barkley after the Krispy Kreme fresh light went on. Very reminiscent to the look Belladonna had after her scene in "Weapons of Ass Destruction."
3. Charley Rosen
His photo only complements his attempts to come across as the grumpiest old cuss in sports. I can just picture him smoking cigarettes in his garage, listening to a Pistons - Spurs game on an old transistor radio, and hollering about all of the missed defensive rotations.
4. Dayn Perry
For some reason, he has two drastically different photos. The original makes him look like the dweeb singer from "Bare Naked Ladies." The other one gives the impression that he is dying of cancer. Neither one makes me wet between the legs.
5. Rick Reilly
The existential pose. A combination of the tragic thinker mixed with the sardonic grin of a man enlightened by many of life's lessons. Later made famous by the pregnant man seen on "Oprah."
6. Jayson Stark
Recently lost his beloved cat, "Mookie" and had him fashioned into a nifty cap so he could keep him close from now until eternity. Okay I made that up, but that sounds like a credible enough rationale to describe that damp furry mass on his head.
7. J.A. Adande
Classic yearbook photo. I wonder if they had an award back when he graduated for, "Most Likely to Sellout and Serve as a Lackey for Tony "Stat Boy" Reali."
8. Peter Gammons
The obituary photo... I rescind that. Even making that one sniping comment hurt my soul a little. Making fun of Peter Gammons is like mocking someone's grandfather. Just not cool. On a serious note, I was distraught for days when he had his aneurysm. I hope this BoSox loving bastard lives forever.
9. Mark Kreigel
The classic Jewish tough guy. His black and white photo makes him look like a cub reporter for the Brooklyn Dodgers. All he needs is a fedora and a press ticket and he can be out their finding the "hot scoop." In reality his articles effectively take hot scoops on whichever athletes are prominent in the headlines.
10. Mary Buckheit
A talented (and surprisingly attractive) journalist whose articles often get buried by her male counterparts. So naturally she brings up the rear on this list.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Inspiration From Leinart Without the Risk of Gonorrhea
By now I am certain that everyone and their mongoloid cousins have been subjected to the now infamous Matt Leinart party pictures. Well, for those of you who haven't, here is one last glimpse into the “Girls Gone Wild” lifestyle of America’s favorite heartthrob/underachieving quarterback.
And yes, that was a “North Dallas Forty” reference for any of those scoring at home.
Why has that movie never been remade? It’s a quandary that keeps me up at night, (that and Rocco Siffredi's filmography). I know many would consider “Any Given Sunday” as being the modern take on the behind the scenes world of NFL superstardom. Of course these are probably the same mental giants who propelled the “Chocolate Rain” guy to success and should all be sterilized for the sake of the human race.
In all honesty the best behind-the-scenes sports show was the short lived ESPN series “Playmakers.” While a novel idea, too many of the storylines were based upon rumors and hearsay as opposed to actual real life gridiron stories. Furthermore, the show was doomed from the start, given ESPN’s relationship with the NFL. Once rumblings came down from the powers that be, the network put the Cliff Robinson chokehold on production, relegating it to the bargain DVD bin at Best Buy.
Now, picture the direction that the script for that premise could go if made for the silver screen. Cast Omar from “The Wire” as an incarnation of Pacman Jones. Show his entrance into the NFL, minor flashes of brilliance, and eventual suspension. Parlay this with a rising rap star portraying Chris Henry only have him end up perishing due to his antics, causing the Pacman character to rethink his life.
Then cast some smarmy jackass like Ryan Reynolds as the pretty boy quarterback constantly boozing, cavorting, and having illegitimate children… And not being suspended by the commissioner!
If Forrest Whittaker can get a role as a sage offensive lineman, you have guaranteed Oscar buzz.
I mean c’mon. These storylines, combined with the overzealous agents, HGH, celebrity status, etc, make for a provocative setting. At the same time this film could be a spiritually uplifting fare as well.
Just picture it: the Pacman character’s suspension is finally lifted after he starts a charity helping impoverished youth from his community. He strolls out onto the field, pausing to look back at the luxury skybox that his Roger Goddell-esque nemesis sits in, fuming. He fastens on his chin strap, gets a hug from old Forrest, and immediately severs the spine of the white boy media darling in front of a capacity crowd!
Okay, that might be a bit extreme. But don’t think I won’t cite this post in court if we see this script in the coming years…
Nah. Hollywood will probably just make “The Replacements 2” instead.
I look at these photos and all I can picture is Matt Leinart bench pressing the dumpy brunette with the nose piercing, while Nick Lachey mills around, sheepishly approaching the other girls one by one and saying “I love your legs. They got your feet at one end, and your pussy at the other, and I wanna fuck you.”
And yes, that was a “North Dallas Forty” reference for any of those scoring at home.
Why has that movie never been remade? It’s a quandary that keeps me up at night, (that and Rocco Siffredi's filmography). I know many would consider “Any Given Sunday” as being the modern take on the behind the scenes world of NFL superstardom. Of course these are probably the same mental giants who propelled the “Chocolate Rain” guy to success and should all be sterilized for the sake of the human race.
In all honesty the best behind-the-scenes sports show was the short lived ESPN series “Playmakers.” While a novel idea, too many of the storylines were based upon rumors and hearsay as opposed to actual real life gridiron stories. Furthermore, the show was doomed from the start, given ESPN’s relationship with the NFL. Once rumblings came down from the powers that be, the network put the Cliff Robinson chokehold on production, relegating it to the bargain DVD bin at Best Buy.
Now, picture the direction that the script for that premise could go if made for the silver screen. Cast Omar from “The Wire” as an incarnation of Pacman Jones. Show his entrance into the NFL, minor flashes of brilliance, and eventual suspension. Parlay this with a rising rap star portraying Chris Henry only have him end up perishing due to his antics, causing the Pacman character to rethink his life.
Then cast some smarmy jackass like Ryan Reynolds as the pretty boy quarterback constantly boozing, cavorting, and having illegitimate children… And not being suspended by the commissioner!
If Forrest Whittaker can get a role as a sage offensive lineman, you have guaranteed Oscar buzz.
I mean c’mon. These storylines, combined with the overzealous agents, HGH, celebrity status, etc, make for a provocative setting. At the same time this film could be a spiritually uplifting fare as well.
Just picture it: the Pacman character’s suspension is finally lifted after he starts a charity helping impoverished youth from his community. He strolls out onto the field, pausing to look back at the luxury skybox that his Roger Goddell-esque nemesis sits in, fuming. He fastens on his chin strap, gets a hug from old Forrest, and immediately severs the spine of the white boy media darling in front of a capacity crowd!
Okay, that might be a bit extreme. But don’t think I won’t cite this post in court if we see this script in the coming years…
Nah. Hollywood will probably just make “The Replacements 2” instead.
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