So, yeah, today's game was a hidden turd at the bottom of an otherwise enjoyable cereal. But let us not forget that prior to Diabeetus Boy coming in and failing like Jay Cutler's soaked insulin pump things were looking damn good for the Mariners. It is in this vein that I write this post.
Erik "Girl Parts" Bedard pitched a helluva game. Yes he only went 5+ innings and he gave up three runs that let the Twins back in the game. More than that, he struck out 8 and only issued two walks. Listening to ol' Dave Niehaus on the radio it sounded like The Interview's curve had more bend than Beckham's famous corner kick. If the ump hadn't been calling a ridiculously small strike zone Bedard would have struck out the last man in the 5th and that would have been the end of his night. It didn't and he ended up giving up 2 more runs before he left. M's fans should take solace in the break on his curve and the velocity and movement on his fastball. His stuff tonight was that of the man we gave up so very much for. One of the best pitchers in baseball.
Franklin Gutierrez has been a pleasant surprise as well. Brought in for his terrific defense his hitting prowess was an afterthought. Astute minds like Dave at UssMariner.com thought that Gutierrez had the potential to be the next Mike Cameron. Which means he would be a great defender with a solid bat. So far that looks to be correct, all he needed was a little playing time.
The bullpen was solid tonight. Corcoran pitched two scoreless innings striking out 2 and not allowing a hit. David Aardsma was the beneficiary of the improve outfield defense with some hard hit balls luckily being caught allowing him to go one inning with no damage. Work on that fast ball location there, bud.
There's 160 more games if I get too upset about each one I'll be dead from stress before the year is out. I gotta temper with my anger with what good happened as well, or else chemical abuse happens and that's no good.
The end of today's game sucked, to be sure. But let's remember the lyrics to that great Monty Python song "Life's a piece of shit/When you look at it. So just look on the bright side of life."
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Hello Losing My Old Friend. I've Come to Talk to You Again.
Well, the Mariners didn't take long to let down their fans in dramatic fashion.
Holding a 5-3 lead going into the bottom of the 9th with newly re-minted Brandon Morrow and his insulin pump coming in to close the game out, 2-0 was looking the M's right in the face. At that point the M's dropped to their knees and blew the hell out of the game.
After cutting down the first two batters like wheat before the scythe Brandon Morrow seemed to forget that the key to pitching is throwing strikes. The next three batters were walked to load the bases. It was at this point I felt my own ulcer start to build. Maybe Ichiro and I can score some black tar together.
Morrow, over his career with the M's, has more command issues than a mute dominatrix. Normally his spotty command is offset by 97mph heat that burns away his blemishes like liquid nitrogen on genital warts. Tonight his lack of command ended up killing him.
Miguel Bastista came in and gave up a high chopper to bring the Twins within one to the first batter. When the game is on the line the pressure can erode a pitchers confidence in his stuff. Miguel Batista doesn't have good stuff to begin with, so when the pressure is on results like tonight's 2-run single it is to be expected.
After the glorious high of last night's win this loss is a real kick in the balls. I need some stability, M's, or we're through.
I'm getting too old for this shit.
Holding a 5-3 lead going into the bottom of the 9th with newly re-minted Brandon Morrow and his insulin pump coming in to close the game out, 2-0 was looking the M's right in the face. At that point the M's dropped to their knees and blew the hell out of the game.
After cutting down the first two batters like wheat before the scythe Brandon Morrow seemed to forget that the key to pitching is throwing strikes. The next three batters were walked to load the bases. It was at this point I felt my own ulcer start to build. Maybe Ichiro and I can score some black tar together.
Morrow, over his career with the M's, has more command issues than a mute dominatrix. Normally his spotty command is offset by 97mph heat that burns away his blemishes like liquid nitrogen on genital warts. Tonight his lack of command ended up killing him.
Miguel Bastista came in and gave up a high chopper to bring the Twins within one to the first batter. When the game is on the line the pressure can erode a pitchers confidence in his stuff. Miguel Batista doesn't have good stuff to begin with, so when the pressure is on results like tonight's 2-run single it is to be expected.
After the glorious high of last night's win this loss is a real kick in the balls. I need some stability, M's, or we're through.
I'm getting too old for this shit.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Holy Shit! I Just Enjoyed A Baseball Game
The last time I watched a baseball game, Griffey was still a Mariner.
Since then, I've come to hate it.
Baseball's slow, there are 18 quadrillion games and I can only keep track of so many Hernandezs. Hence the hatred. Except for that one time when a certain friend of mine got baked with me and explained why the Oakland A's always make it to the playoffs. It seemed brilliant for about a half-hour.
Despite my decade-long feud with baseball, I watched the Mariners beat the holy hell out of the Twins tonight and it was great.
Granted, I was cooking dinner and not totally playing attention, but the game seemed to move a lot faster than I remember. I kind of want to watch another game.
It's still not football, or even basketball, but it'll do until the NFL preseason starts.
Full circle. Man, I feel old.
Since then, I've come to hate it.
Baseball's slow, there are 18 quadrillion games and I can only keep track of so many Hernandezs. Hence the hatred. Except for that one time when a certain friend of mine got baked with me and explained why the Oakland A's always make it to the playoffs. It seemed brilliant for about a half-hour.
Despite my decade-long feud with baseball, I watched the Mariners beat the holy hell out of the Twins tonight and it was great.
Granted, I was cooking dinner and not totally playing attention, but the game seemed to move a lot faster than I remember. I kind of want to watch another game.
It's still not football, or even basketball, but it'll do until the NFL preseason starts.
Full circle. Man, I feel old.
Dominatr(Fel)ix: An Omen for 2009?
So, in perhaps what will be my new tradition, I am doing my season preview for the M's after the first game. Because we here at NLS like to do things a little differently. And also because I was too upset last night to post.
If you have been following The M's through the off-season you'll know that GM Jack Zduriencik put together a team that cannot only contend this season and but also has the financial flexibility to make moves to improve in the seasons to follow. This may not seem like much but if you have any knowledge of the Dark Ages of Marinerdom(Aka the Bavasi years)you know this is a very welcome change.
If you just joined us then you are probably wondering who the hell these guys are. In truth they aren't too different than the fictional Cleveland Indians from "Major League" though sadly lacking any felons(if only my dreams of making it to the big leagues panned out). A bunch of relative nobodies who'll more than likely come together and exceed most people's expectation. To familiarize you with the '09 M's I'm gonna do a quick rundown to help you out.
Starting Pitchers:
King Felix
Erik "The Interview" Bedard
Silva
Washburn
RRS
Basically it's Felix and Bedard starring in "Two Aces" and then a ton of ?'s. Silva should be better than last year but it's hard to be worse. Washburn should not throw teammates under the bus, also not suck like a toothless hoo'er. RRS is decent, a likable Australian Washburn with cool glasses. If Felix takes a step foward, mixes things up(which he didn't do that well today) and doesn't go Rocco Siffredi on the fastball and Bedard can keep his girl parts clean we'll have the best 1-2 punch outside of Rocky Bernard.
If you get a couple drinks of regression towards the mean this rotation looks downright fuckable. But reality can knock the beer goggles right off and hopes of greatness can disappear in an instant.
Bullpen:
A bunch of live arms, most of whom have trouble throwing strikes but should still be rather effective. Morrow and his insulin pump are now the closer(that still pains me to type). Last year's #1 draft pick, Josh Fields, will join the club sometime later this summer adding to the BP depth.
Line Up:
C: Johjima
1B: Branyan
2B: Lopez
SS: Betancourt
3B: Beltre
LF: Chavez/Balentien
CF: Gutierrez
RF: Ichiro
DH: Griffey
Nothing too intimidating here and yet it should be a shit ton better than last year's line up. Not giving at-bats to black holes of suck like Vidro, Sexson, and Cairo can only help. If this line-up doesn't give you confidence, that's alright. This line-up doesn't do much for me either. But having and actual DH and 1st base bats is a nice change. That said we're not gonna be the Sox or Yankees with run scoring. This is definitely not our strong suit.
Defense:
This is the area that the 2009 M's are the most different from their '08 mouth breathing breathren. When Ichiro comes back the M's will run out three CF to roam the expansive Safeco outfield. Where last year Raul Ibañez seemed to almost magically push balls away from him through a force field of suck, Endy Chavez will catch damn near anything over the 3rd baseman's head. Sure, on occasion they'll let Griffey out of his DH cage and let him roam left. But for the sake of his and the fans' health he will probably DH far more often than he fields. Also gone is Big Suxy, who despite his freakish frame was an abysmal defensive first baseman.
Defense helps pitching espescially in Safeco field. Flyballers like Washburn and RRS will benefit the most from this paradigm shift. Hell look at the 2001-2003 rotations. Not a true ace in the lot. You had tools like Aaron Sele and John Halama win 15+ games. They never topped those feats. Why due to defense!
Overall:
Solid Pitching, meh Offense, and spectacular defense will be the hallmark of this M's team. Along with most other smart people on the interwebs I'm predicting about 70-80 games and a chance to compete for the AL west which is Terry Schaivo weak. Hopefully my predictions come true and we can put the nightmare 2008 season behind us. If not it'll be another long season spent waiting for the hope of football to save us.
Some fool might ask something like "Well if the Mariners end up sucking and the Sounders FC keeps on winning won't you be forced to accept soccer?" The answer to this fuckwit is a resounding "Get fucked. Nobody likes soccer!"
If you have been following The M's through the off-season you'll know that GM Jack Zduriencik put together a team that cannot only contend this season and but also has the financial flexibility to make moves to improve in the seasons to follow. This may not seem like much but if you have any knowledge of the Dark Ages of Marinerdom(Aka the Bavasi years)you know this is a very welcome change.
If you just joined us then you are probably wondering who the hell these guys are. In truth they aren't too different than the fictional Cleveland Indians from "Major League" though sadly lacking any felons(if only my dreams of making it to the big leagues panned out). A bunch of relative nobodies who'll more than likely come together and exceed most people's expectation. To familiarize you with the '09 M's I'm gonna do a quick rundown to help you out.
Starting Pitchers:
King Felix
Erik "The Interview" Bedard
Silva
Washburn
RRS
Basically it's Felix and Bedard starring in "Two Aces" and then a ton of ?'s. Silva should be better than last year but it's hard to be worse. Washburn should not throw teammates under the bus, also not suck like a toothless hoo'er. RRS is decent, a likable Australian Washburn with cool glasses. If Felix takes a step foward, mixes things up(which he didn't do that well today) and doesn't go Rocco Siffredi on the fastball and Bedard can keep his girl parts clean we'll have the best 1-2 punch outside of Rocky Bernard.
If you get a couple drinks of regression towards the mean this rotation looks downright fuckable. But reality can knock the beer goggles right off and hopes of greatness can disappear in an instant.
Bullpen:
A bunch of live arms, most of whom have trouble throwing strikes but should still be rather effective. Morrow and his insulin pump are now the closer(that still pains me to type). Last year's #1 draft pick, Josh Fields, will join the club sometime later this summer adding to the BP depth.
Line Up:
C: Johjima
1B: Branyan
2B: Lopez
SS: Betancourt
3B: Beltre
LF: Chavez/Balentien
CF: Gutierrez
RF: Ichiro
DH: Griffey
Nothing too intimidating here and yet it should be a shit ton better than last year's line up. Not giving at-bats to black holes of suck like Vidro, Sexson, and Cairo can only help. If this line-up doesn't give you confidence, that's alright. This line-up doesn't do much for me either. But having and actual DH and 1st base bats is a nice change. That said we're not gonna be the Sox or Yankees with run scoring. This is definitely not our strong suit.
Defense:
This is the area that the 2009 M's are the most different from their '08 mouth breathing breathren. When Ichiro comes back the M's will run out three CF to roam the expansive Safeco outfield. Where last year Raul Ibañez seemed to almost magically push balls away from him through a force field of suck, Endy Chavez will catch damn near anything over the 3rd baseman's head. Sure, on occasion they'll let Griffey out of his DH cage and let him roam left. But for the sake of his and the fans' health he will probably DH far more often than he fields. Also gone is Big Suxy, who despite his freakish frame was an abysmal defensive first baseman.
Defense helps pitching espescially in Safeco field. Flyballers like Washburn and RRS will benefit the most from this paradigm shift. Hell look at the 2001-2003 rotations. Not a true ace in the lot. You had tools like Aaron Sele and John Halama win 15+ games. They never topped those feats. Why due to defense!
Overall:
Solid Pitching, meh Offense, and spectacular defense will be the hallmark of this M's team. Along with most other smart people on the interwebs I'm predicting about 70-80 games and a chance to compete for the AL west which is Terry Schaivo weak. Hopefully my predictions come true and we can put the nightmare 2008 season behind us. If not it'll be another long season spent waiting for the hope of football to save us.
Some fool might ask something like "Well if the Mariners end up sucking and the Sounders FC keeps on winning won't you be forced to accept soccer?" The answer to this fuckwit is a resounding "Get fucked. Nobody likes soccer!"
Sunday, April 5, 2009
More Good News For People Who Love Bad News
Seriously, fuck me running!!!! According to sworn enemy of the blog Geoff Baker things done changed. Phillipe Aumont, the M's 2007 #1 draft pick, is now being converted to a full-time reliever. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!
This is a terrible idea!!!!! Words fail me to express how terrible of an idea Aumont in the pen really is.
The M's will now have used their last three first round picks on starters in Morrow, Fields, and now Aumont. This is after Zduriencik put together a, probably, passable bullpen out of spare parts. Which is the exact type of thing the A's have been doing for years. Taking FAILED starters and making them bullpen studs and flipping them for picks has been incredibly successful for them. It is an amazing waste of talent to move potential starters to the pen.
This move also really sucks because, unless Zduriencik makes some crazy move or we magically manage to draft Strasburg, our rotation past this year looks Olsen twin thin. Bastista and Washburn are gone. So, most likely is Bedard. That leaves the rotation with Felix, Silva who, despite his girth, only counts as one pitcher and RRS. Which is one good pitcher and two marginal ones. Gone are the innocent days where dreams of Felix, Morrow, Aumont led rotations floated happily through my head. In this post-apocalyptic rotation reality there is no hope, no hope, no hope, no hope at all.
The move shakes my faith in Zduriencik to it's very core. There is no good reason to make Aumont a reliever. NONE! I don't care if there is a chance he may not become a starter. Oh well, let him FUCKING TRY FIRST. If he can't hack starting then have him be a reliever. To just move him to the pen when he's only TWENTY FUCKING YEARS OLD is incredibly short sighted!!!
Let's not leave out Zduriekcik's reasoning on the move.
and according to Baker
Yes, because he is 6'7" that means he is perfectly suited to come out of the bullpen. WHAT KIND OF TRIG PALIN REASONING IS THAT?!
I'm not sure what else to say. I'm stunned. I can only hope this is some sort of sick joke. This is not the news I was hoping to hear less than 24 hours before the start of the new season. I feel like Brad Pitt at the end of Seven and I just found out Aumont's head is in the box.
This is a terrible idea!!!!! Words fail me to express how terrible of an idea Aumont in the pen really is.
The M's will now have used their last three first round picks on starters in Morrow, Fields, and now Aumont. This is after Zduriencik put together a, probably, passable bullpen out of spare parts. Which is the exact type of thing the A's have been doing for years. Taking FAILED starters and making them bullpen studs and flipping them for picks has been incredibly successful for them. It is an amazing waste of talent to move potential starters to the pen.
This move also really sucks because, unless Zduriencik makes some crazy move or we magically manage to draft Strasburg, our rotation past this year looks Olsen twin thin. Bastista and Washburn are gone. So, most likely is Bedard. That leaves the rotation with Felix, Silva who, despite his girth, only counts as one pitcher and RRS. Which is one good pitcher and two marginal ones. Gone are the innocent days where dreams of Felix, Morrow, Aumont led rotations floated happily through my head. In this post-apocalyptic rotation reality there is no hope, no hope, no hope, no hope at all.
The move shakes my faith in Zduriencik to it's very core. There is no good reason to make Aumont a reliever. NONE! I don't care if there is a chance he may not become a starter. Oh well, let him FUCKING TRY FIRST. If he can't hack starting then have him be a reliever. To just move him to the pen when he's only TWENTY FUCKING YEARS OLD is incredibly short sighted!!!
Let's not leave out Zduriekcik's reasoning on the move.
"We felt that this was a guy, who, if used in a relief role, could be on a real fast-track to the major leagues,'' he said. "And we're talking a real fast track.''
and according to Baker
Zduriencik said that when you look at Aumont's size, most notably his 6-foot-7 height, it lends itself to being a top-of-the-line reliever.
Yes, because he is 6'7" that means he is perfectly suited to come out of the bullpen. WHAT KIND OF TRIG PALIN REASONING IS THAT?!
I'm not sure what else to say. I'm stunned. I can only hope this is some sort of sick joke. This is not the news I was hoping to hear less than 24 hours before the start of the new season. I feel like Brad Pitt at the end of Seven and I just found out Aumont's head is in the box.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Ichiro: Seattle's Newest Superheroin
So the bad news just keeps rolling in, first Clement to AAA and then Morrow to the pen now it seems Ichiro will now start off the season on the 15-day disabled list due to a bleeding ulcer. I'm not sure what I have done to upset the sports gods, but I will drink heavily in their honor in attempts to make it up.
Not only will Ichiro miss the opening road trip but he'll miss the home opener too. Despite his normally sluggish hitting in April the team could have used him healthy to try to build a lead over the injury ravaged Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim(dumbest team name ever? dumbest team name ever) to start the season. Now M's fans must watch the spectacle of a one legged man(Griffey) attempt to play the outfield. That thought is giving me an ulcer.
Fear not though sports fans. Modern medicine has advanced the treatment of the condition that ended the lives of luminaries like J.R.R Tolkien and James Joyce, to a minor inconvenience. With a little rest the treatment should take care of the ulcer in no time and The M's will have a healthy Ichiro for the rest of the season. The hard part will being convincing Ichiro he needs that rest.
Even if Ichiro decides to push it to come back early and the problem lingers he can always self-medicate. I know Seattle's smack reserves aren't what they once were but he should still manage to score some horse. If he does that Ichiro'll be able to manage the pain of a festering wound inside his stomach.
Hey, it worked for Kurt Cobain!
Not only will Ichiro miss the opening road trip but he'll miss the home opener too. Despite his normally sluggish hitting in April the team could have used him healthy to try to build a lead over the injury ravaged Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim(dumbest team name ever? dumbest team name ever) to start the season. Now M's fans must watch the spectacle of a one legged man(Griffey) attempt to play the outfield. That thought is giving me an ulcer.
Fear not though sports fans. Modern medicine has advanced the treatment of the condition that ended the lives of luminaries like J.R.R Tolkien and James Joyce, to a minor inconvenience. With a little rest the treatment should take care of the ulcer in no time and The M's will have a healthy Ichiro for the rest of the season. The hard part will being convincing Ichiro he needs that rest.
Even if Ichiro decides to push it to come back early and the problem lingers he can always self-medicate. I know Seattle's smack reserves aren't what they once were but he should still manage to score some horse. If he does that Ichiro'll be able to manage the pain of a festering wound inside his stomach.
Hey, it worked for Kurt Cobain!
Monday, March 30, 2009
Tony Bennet Croons in Pullman, No More
Wazzu Men's Basketball Coach Tony Bennet has been confirmed as the new head coach at the University of Virginia. This comes as a blow to a 'Zu program that had been on the rise the past few years, making it to the NCAA tourney Bennet's first two years and falling just short after going on a late season run this year.
There was a hard-nosed, blue-collar, slow-down defensive style cultivated in Pullman that was a stark contrast to the up-tempo pace of their western counterparts. Thisboring methodical style may be on the outs now with Bennet's departure. A new coach means installing a new system and getting current players to buy into said system.
Even with quality young players like Klay Thompson and DeAngelo Casto, the retooling of the program will take time. At a time that the Dawgs strong core of young players are preparing for another year in Romar's system and are being bolstered by a strong recruiting class, the Cougs will be playing catch-up.
I could go on about how this move weakens the division; that it is better to have 3 good teams in state not just 2; that a healthy rivalry with WSU can only help the Dawgs. But I will spare you these banal truisms and merely say this: BAHAHAHAHA! Suck it Cougs!!!! That's what you get for blocking funding for Husky Stadium renovation you mouth-breathing, in-bred, Eastern Washington fucks!!! *ahem* I mean to say: Sorry, Cougs. Buck up, the sun will shine on you again.
The timing of this move proves a little questionable for Bennet. Last year at this time he had offers for the head coaching position at both LSU and Indiana. To take Virginia's offering now is just baffling. Which-HAHAHAHAHA! Oh shit, you guys are screwed! HAHAHAHAHA!- must make this move all the more puzzling for Coug fans.
On a more serious note, let this be a lesson to sports fans everywhere. Don't believe the head coach of your favorite sports team when he assures the media and the fans that he'll stick around to build a solid program there. That statement is about as true as the stripper that claims she doesn't do house-calls. Flash enough money and they get amnesia, quick.
Please sweet baby Jesús, don't ever let Romar leave us!!!!
There was a hard-nosed, blue-collar, slow-down defensive style cultivated in Pullman that was a stark contrast to the up-tempo pace of their western counterparts. This
Even with quality young players like Klay Thompson and DeAngelo Casto, the retooling of the program will take time. At a time that the Dawgs strong core of young players are preparing for another year in Romar's system and are being bolstered by a strong recruiting class, the Cougs will be playing catch-up.
I could go on about how this move weakens the division; that it is better to have 3 good teams in state not just 2; that a healthy rivalry with WSU can only help the Dawgs. But I will spare you these banal truisms and merely say this: BAHAHAHAHA! Suck it Cougs!!!! That's what you get for blocking funding for Husky Stadium renovation you mouth-breathing, in-bred, Eastern Washington fucks!!! *ahem* I mean to say: Sorry, Cougs. Buck up, the sun will shine on you again.
The timing of this move proves a little questionable for Bennet. Last year at this time he had offers for the head coaching position at both LSU and Indiana. To take Virginia's offering now is just baffling. Which-HAHAHAHAHA! Oh shit, you guys are screwed! HAHAHAHAHA!- must make this move all the more puzzling for Coug fans.
On a more serious note, let this be a lesson to sports fans everywhere. Don't believe the head coach of your favorite sports team when he assures the media and the fans that he'll stick around to build a solid program there. That statement is about as true as the stripper that claims she doesn't do house-calls. Flash enough money and they get amnesia, quick.
Please sweet baby Jesús, don't ever let Romar leave us!!!!
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