I look at these photos and all I can picture is Matt Leinart bench pressing the dumpy brunette with the nose piercing, while Nick Lachey mills around, sheepishly approaching the other girls one by one and saying “I love your legs. They got your feet at one end, and your pussy at the other, and I wanna fuck you.”
And yes, that was a “North Dallas Forty” reference for any of those scoring at home.
Why has that movie never been remade? It’s a quandary that keeps me up at night, (that and Rocco Siffredi's filmography). I know many would consider “Any Given Sunday” as being the modern take on the behind the scenes world of NFL superstardom. Of course these are probably the same mental giants who propelled the “Chocolate Rain” guy to success and should all be sterilized for the sake of the human race.
In all honesty the best behind-the-scenes sports show was the short lived ESPN series “Playmakers.” While a novel idea, too many of the storylines were based upon rumors and hearsay as opposed to actual real life gridiron stories. Furthermore, the show was doomed from the start, given ESPN’s relationship with the NFL. Once rumblings came down from the powers that be, the network put the Cliff Robinson chokehold on production, relegating it to the bargain DVD bin at Best Buy.
Now, picture the direction that the script for that premise could go if made for the silver screen. Cast Omar from “The Wire” as an incarnation of Pacman Jones. Show his entrance into the NFL, minor flashes of brilliance, and eventual suspension. Parlay this with a rising rap star portraying Chris Henry only have him end up perishing due to his antics, causing the Pacman character to rethink his life.
Then cast some smarmy jackass like Ryan Reynolds as the pretty boy quarterback constantly boozing, cavorting, and having illegitimate children… And not being suspended by the commissioner!
If Forrest Whittaker can get a role as a sage offensive lineman, you have guaranteed Oscar buzz.
I mean c’mon. These storylines, combined with the overzealous agents, HGH, celebrity status, etc, make for a provocative setting. At the same time this film could be a spiritually uplifting fare as well.
Just picture it: the Pacman character’s suspension is finally lifted after he starts a charity helping impoverished youth from his community. He strolls out onto the field, pausing to look back at the luxury skybox that his Roger Goddell-esque nemesis sits in, fuming. He fastens on his chin strap, gets a hug from old Forrest, and immediately severs the spine of the white boy media darling in front of a capacity crowd!
Okay, that might be a bit extreme. But don’t think I won’t cite this post in court if we see this script in the coming years…
Nah. Hollywood will probably just make “The Replacements 2” instead.
1 comment:
Looks like that broken collarbone is healin up just fine. Good to see him rehabbing that shoulder with the time-tested, frat-boy approved method of beer bonging. It's nice low-impact way of stretching out that shoulder to get full range of motion back, all the while successfully rehabbing his ego with a shit hot chicks.
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